I awoke in a bright light, unable to move. I couldn?t see anything, and my voice emitted no sound.
There were people around me, I could hear them. I could hear them discussing my fate. They were angels.
They were different voices, but their minds spoke as one. There was no bickering among them, they all just made observations. They spoke of different things I had brought about. My achievements, my failures, all were laid out here. They were writing a detailed description of my life.
They went in chronological order, from birth, to adolescence to manhood to death. They smiled on good deeds and frowned on the bad. I smiled and frowned along with them.
They began compiling a list of my life works. I relived my marriage, my son?s High School graduation, my trip to Venice. All of these were good times, and I was proud.
But then there were bad times. I saw my wife?s suicide, my son?s face when he flunked out of college, the day I was fired. I thought I had seen the worst of the trial.
The angels surrounding me began listing my sins. They began with little things, like taking the loose change off the kitchen counter, but I slowly grew more and more ashamed as my sins increased in magnitude. I had no idea how many times I had made my mother cry. I was appalled at obscenities I had yelled at people. I was ashamed at vulgarities I had committed. I was fearful of what this trial might bring.
For hours, days, and weeks these angels were kept busy listing my sins. I wanted to yell, ?Stop!? but I couldn?t. The light was blinding me and my fear caused me to sweat.
Then something I hadn?t expected happened. They began questioning me. They asked me why I had committed those sins, and what they had hoped to gain from it. And after each sin was listed they asked, ?Was this more valuable than eternal life??
The question stunned me. I had never seen my life in that perspective. I suppose that?s another sin. I had never taken the time to know God, to know his plan for me, to know that He loved me. And I realized that I already knew my fate. My fear grew. My body trembled. I was unable to think. I couldn?t answer the questions any more. I looked for a loophole but could find none.
And finally the questions came to an end with another question. One of the angels asked, ?What is your verdict Lord? Does this man deserve eternal life??
The place was eerily quiet and I could hear my ragged breathing. My fingernails dug into my palms and sweat dripped from my face. My body shivered as I awaited the Eternal?s answer.
And then my answer came. It came in a unique voice with the qualities of every voice I had ever heard in it. It was like every person who had ever lived was speaking in unison. And that unanimous vote just made it all the worse. The voice proclaimed my fate in a single word, ?No.?
I broke down crying and screaming and asked the only question left available to me, ?Why??
The Lord spoke eloquently in his unbroken response, ?Throughout this entire trial you never asked forgiveness. Throughout your entire life, you never asked for my grace. The only reason you regret your sins is because now you will be subject to eternal peril. Throughout your entire life you never listened to me. I loved you, and yet you betrayed me. Why is the question indeed.?
I sat there and wept left speechless and ashamed by the Lord?s testimony. He was right. I never had asked forgiveness. I had sinned and had not repented. I had become evil. I was a work of the devil. I was a demon. I was going to burn. I was crying. I was weak. I needed the Lord now, and now was the only time he wouldn?t listen.
And then the light began to fade.